This morning I realized (again) how much I get drawn into (or more accurately, barge into) other people’s “stuff”—most likely as a distraction from my own. I was awake this a.m.—early—because my back hurt, and I was thinking of all sorts of disastrous medical tests and diagnoses. And I was thinking about flying to England and imagining terrorist scerarios there, and then for a few brief seconds I sanely thought of how I constantly expect to feel better but don’t actually do anything to change things (diet, exercise, more yoga, playtime), as if the medical community should wave its magic wand and it’s not really up to me. And then before I could stay with that (which would require action), I moved on to Sarah’s upcoming field trip at Seacoast Rep and how she hates it there and there aren’t really enough bathroom stalls (plus she got hit by the door once) and then how she would really like Tim to chaperone (but he doesn’t really want to) and how I’ll have to tell him to sign up soon because they only allow two chaperones and . . . that’s when I pulled the plug. First of all, Tim doesn’t even want to chaperone. Second, if this disappoints Sarah, that is between them. Next, moving backward, I do need to refocus on diet, excercise, yoga, playtime (it turns out that playtime is so far from my view of “living” that I didn’t even write it down the first time). But it is so easy to let my head fill up with stuff and point my energy toward a hundred pointless distractions. Much easier than admitting responsibility for myself and making a change.
